I told you I do feel crappy about “unsubscribes” but it doesn’t mean I avoid looking at my numbers. A couple of weeks ago, I checked the stats and saw an interesting comment from an unsubscriber.
She wrote, “I am not sure what I am supposed to get out of this.”
Maybe she was expecting “7 easy tips to xyz” or “5 simple steps to abc” – then sorry, I am not your gal. I truly believe our business can embody flow and ease… but only if we are willing to sit through the fire and uncover our Truth, and how we choose to express it. There is no free lunch.
(By the way, you get what you want to get out of it – we all have different frames of reference. In my world, you are NOT “supposed” to do anything.)
True, I do write about my experience often but it’s no ego trip – after all, I am sharing with you my own evolution – heartbreaks, tears and sweat – real time.
I write about it when the wound is still raw and the emotions are still flowing. I am not sitting pretty on a pedestal and showing off a sterilized version of “how I made 5 figures last month.”
Every time I sit down to write something so vulnerable, I want to puke.
I don’t do it just for kicks.
My experience may be individual, but the undercurrent of emotions, fears, desires, is not. They are universal.
They are human conditions.
Unless you are some alien species, these stuff will come up in your life and business in one form or another, as your own individual expression. I am hoping you can relate to my experience, and cultivate the awareness to realize where in your life that these blocks and hurdles are happening too.
I am hoping that you can cultivate the awareness, so you can be intentional when choosing your actions, instead of being swept into the “should’s” of the world.
In an earlier article, I wrote about discovering a part of me that was holding ME back from stepping up and owning my big ass vision – my next chapter. There was a wall blocking me from seeing it.
I realized I have an expectation/disappointment issue. My way of dealing with disappointment has been to walk away. I have been protecting myself from being hurt by “walking away” from flakes and situations that I believed would let me down.
It’s ok when dealing with other people, but it becomes problematic when I am dealing with myself this way.
If I declare my big vision and then default to my “walk away” M.O. then I will really disappoint myself for being a flake… and I can’t handle that. It would feel like the ultimate failure.
Instead of forcing myself to “visualize” some outcome or reciting some affirmation that I cannot yet fully believe in, I need to first demolish that wall so I can claim every part of this big vision.
When I “agreed” to release this fearful part of me, I came upon a realization that could possibly crack this whole thing open (I am trembling as I type this…)
One early morning as I was half awake, I encountered a part of me that was curled up and dark (think Voldemort in Harry Potter 1.)
It was about refusing to trust, receive and accept. It was not confused. It was not fighting or screaming. It was dark, quiet, curled up. A dark crescent shape in my upper chest, wanting attention.
This time, instead of avoiding the feelings and distracting myself with busy work, I am going to sit with it, feel it and listen to it so I can finally demolish/desolve the wall and see what’s on the other side.
Come with me, you have the front row seat.
(So let me spell it out… here is what you can get out of this experience of mine…)
We have all been hurt, let down, disappointed by others (or even ourselves) in one form or the other. Even though an incidence may seem insignificant when you look back, if you have not addressed the sadness, anger, and emotions fully and completely, it is driving (sabotaging) you subconsciously in some way.
When the hurt happened, when the disappointments piled up, we tend to build a wall to protect ourselves.
We fence ourselves in, and with that,
fence our potentiality and possibilities out.
Our Heart got callused, and our Guts got numb. We can no longer FEEL what is right for us, or use our intuition to guide our decisions.
We fall into the illusion of safety created by following what other people tell us, so we don’t have to walk out of the fence to face our own Truth (and risk getting hurt again.)
Dig into that hurt, address it, feel it and let it run its course, so you can melt that fence fully and completely.
Ask that part of YOU – what does it need to know to release its grip on you?
This is not about doing that website, building that list or giving that workshop.
It is about CLAIMING YOUR BIG VISION, LIVING YOUR FULL POTENTIAL and EXPRESSING IT THROUGH YOUR WORK in the world.
Are you holding yourself back from claiming your big-ass no-compromise vision because you are afraid of letting yourself down?
What do you get to lose if you flunk? Oh boy, you have to once again deal with that itty-bitty-shitty committee in your monkey mind. What do you gain if you make it happen? Everything.
You got to claim it, own it, before you can make it happen.
You gotta be in it to win it.
Leave a comment below, tell me – what do YOU get out of this article? What do you want to get out of my posts in the future?